i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
