i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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