I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
