I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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