hell yes lets make some ravioli
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You took a bar mat shot.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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