This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
