OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
