you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
