when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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