Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
