I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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