I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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