I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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