Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
