You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
