i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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