I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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