I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
