Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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