So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
