How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
