I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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