On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
