i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
