Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
