Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
