dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
