Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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