apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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