Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
