You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
