ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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