Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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