she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
