Your face is a jimmy john
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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