so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
