Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Are we still banned from the library?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
