Having a random hookup so left but love u
Only a mothe r could love this liver
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
