If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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