I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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