need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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