Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I will be naked everywhere
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
