home. puking in laundry basket.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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