I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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