90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
