thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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