you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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