my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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