I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
