so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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