Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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