Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
