I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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