i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have fence marks all over my body
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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