I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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