i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Text me some of your sweat
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
