I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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